As a creative person, I live in my head often, my creative journey as I may call it, is not just of my artistic abilities but an eveloutionary unfolding of my mind, body and soul. The Art is simply just a purge of what I fail to express with words.
It's interesting to me how dependent i have become on painting. one could even say its become obsessive. I spend so much of my days enveloped in Art, creating it, looking at it, dreaming of it. It's like a progressive dependance i have created for myself. a true key to my happiness and sanity. If I am not activly indulging in my creative process I'm not myself, I'm irritable and lost, and the more I have satisfied this need the more I depend on it.
As of lately creating has certainly had its difficulties. I tend to struggle balancing my life as a artist, mother and wife. I think the biggest struggle I have been having is that I have a tremendous fear of, "what if I have already made the greatest works of my career." due to my unique and organic painting process each painting is completely original, each time i do a new painting It;s the only one of those paintings Ill ever make and once it goes to a new home thats it, chances are I won't see it again. Yeah, perhaps I can make something similar to it- but who knows maybe I couldnt if I wanted to…
I think at this point I'm in a funky state of curiosity and my paintings haven't quite been what I want them to. Im second guessing myself and have been so stuck in my head. My fellow creative friends tell me making shitty art is a great thing. That its part of an artist evolution and that something new is around the corner… I sure do hope so but until then I guess I will just continue to paint anyway and hopefully this awkward period all will subside soon.
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